You’re hiding. And I was too. – Why Smart, Capable Women Stay Invisible
I love to start my Sunday mornings with a lie in, morning coffee in hand, piano playlist in the background, candles, reading my book and enjoying the slowness before I start the day. I love doing that on Sundays.
I just read the following sentence:
“Criticism of the project is not criticism of you. You do not equal the project.”
I am reading these lines on page 47 of the book Purple Cow by Seth Godin. I am getting surprisingly emotional. It’s just a small paragraph in a book filled with observations about creative marketing in crowded marketplaces.
I am reading… “Being safe is risky”.
In the book he points out, that we have been raised with a false belief: that criticism leads to failure.
Just think about the school system or the way you grew up in your family.
A business that is boring, won’t attract much criticism. It will also not stand out and become highly successful. So, by avoiding negative feedback, by staying safe, I am potentially avoiding success?
In this moment I realize I am a player in all of this too. When the stakes are not so high for me personally, I will work to be remarkable. Create bold and brave campaigns. Yet when it comes to my own projects – I am hiding (yes, apparently), staying safe, being likeable, in order to avoid controversy and negative feedback.
In that moment I realize that me trying to avoid being criticized is me quietly sabotaging my dreams.
In the end – you can’t know if your project will fail or succeed. But in order to give it a fair chance, you have to give it a go. In order to make it extraordinary, you have to get feedback on it. Feedback on the project. Not you.
So today I want to ask you, where are you holding yourself back quietly right now? Playing safe is essentially the riskiest thing you can do. Being agreeable keeps you invisible. Holding back means no one finds you.
Why Smart, Capable Women Stay Invisible
Sadly, this creates what I call invisible ambition. You want visibility and wins, but fear of judgment keeps you agreeable or silent on the sidelines—like I often was. It makes you procrastinate a launch, soften your ideas, endlessly tweak your messages.
I noticed this looking back at past collaborations. When someone else wrote our social media copy, it was bold and confident: We’re amazing. We make you look fantastic. But when I wrote for myself, my words were much softer. I was putting myself out there, and that felt risky.
High-achieving women often hide their talents and play it safe because we’re scared of looking imperfect. This is called maladaptive perfectionism—and it keeps us quiet when we crave success, impact, and service.
Perfectionism is a trap. It fuels imposter syndrome, making you feel like a fraud. You procrastinate—on posting, writing, sharing your opinions—or you overprepare. Either way, you stay invisible.
And why is this especially hard for women and working mothers? Because society pushes us to be agreeable and perfect. Whatever we do, we’re criticized. Too much, too little, too loud, too quiet. We can’t win. So we might as well stop playing that game.
Perfectionism predicts imposter feelings, which cause even more stress and hiding. You rework everything endlessly, thinking silence protects you—but it actually keeps you invisible.
You need to start sharing work that’s just good enough, until fear fades step by step.
Seth Godin understood this: playing it safe doesn’t protect you from failure—it guarantees it.
In business, invisibility is failure. No one can hire you if they can’t find you. No one can refer you if they don’t know what you do. No one can trust you if you don’t let them see you and your work.
So, where are you still holding back? What are you not saying because it might be “too much”? What content aren’t you posting because it’s “not perfect yet”? What opportunities are you avoiding because you’re “not ready”?
Safe is the riskiest place you can be – and I can be.
I wanted to share this story because it was a wake-up call for me, and maybe for you too. Many of my listeners are like me—ambitious, thoughtful, striving for impact. I share my realizations so that together we can take steps forward—toward a braver, more courageous version of ourselves.
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Until then, have a great week!
