Hello to another episode of our Mama, what’s next? podcast dedicated to supporting working mothers and midlife career changers.
Today, we are talking about an interesting topic that affects many women in both their professional and personal lives: the tendency to over-explain ourselves and how this habit can impact our careers, especially during midlife transitions when we’re seeking more purpose and meaning in our work.
Where do we Over-Explain Ourselves
Do you recognize this pattern? You’re in a meeting presenting an idea, but instead of confidently stating your thoughts, you begin with phrases like “I’m not entirely sure if this is right, but I’ve been thinking…” or “We could maybe try this approach… what do you all think?” Similarly, in your personal life, you might find yourself providing detailed explanations when you can’t cook dinner one evening, justifying your decision with multiple reasons when a simple statement would suffice.
This tendency to over-explain is remarkably common among women. Many of us have been conditioned from childhood to be understanding, accommodating, and to avoid causing offense. We strive to make everyone comfortable and happy, often at the expense of our own authority and confidence.
The Contrast with Male Communication
In contrast, men typically don’t seek understanding in the same way. When someone doesn’t understand their perspective, they generally expect the other person to figure it out. Women, however, go to great lengths to ensure we’re understood, exploring every emotion and nuance in conversations. We worry about whether others have enough information or might be offended by what we say.
This behavior often stems from genuine generosity—we sacrifice time and energy to help others feel comfortable. However, especially as mothers navigating careers, we frequently forget to extend this same consideration to ourselves.
How Over-Explaining Can Damage Your Career
This habit can seriously undermine your career trajectory. When you constantly explain or justify your decisions and ideas, you unintentionally signal insecurity and lack of self-confidence to others. In professional environments, being perceived as competent and self-assured is crucial for advancement.
When you over-explain, you create the impression that you’re uncertain about your decisions and abilities, which can lead colleagues and superiors to question your competence. This is particularly detrimental for women seeking midlife career changes or striving to find deeper purpose in their professional lives.
Real-Life Scenarios Where We Over-Explain
Social Situations
When arriving late to an event, many women feel obligated to provide an elaborate justification: “I’m so sorry I’m late, but the traffic was terrible, and I had to finish this one thing first…” A simple “Sorry I’m late, thank you for your understanding” would be sufficient.
Friendships
When declining an invitation, we often feel compelled to give extensive reasons: “I’m so sorry I can’t come, because I have so much work, and the kids need attention, and…” A straightforward “Unfortunately, I can’t make it this time” is perfectly acceptable.
Breaking the habit: Here are some practical steps
1. Embrace Self-Confidence
Present your ideas and decisions clearly and concisely. Don’t apologize for having thoughts or making decisions. Stand by your perspective, and when you make mistakes, acknowledge them directly without excessive explanation.
2. Practice Clear Communication
Use direct, precise language and avoid apologizing or justifying yourself when unnecessary. Remember that your opinions and contributions are just as valuable as anyone else’s.
3. Work on Your Inner Dialogue
Remind yourself that you are valuable and competent, and that your perspective matters. This internal work is especially important for women seeking more purpose and meaning in their careers.
4. Build Awareness
Becoming conscious of this pattern is the first step to changing it. Pay attention to when you start over-explaining, and practice stopping yourself mid-explanation.
5. Seek Feedback
Ask trusted friends, family members, or colleagues how you’re perceived and if they notice you over-explaining. External perspectives can help you recognize patterns you might miss.
Mastering Salary Negotiations Without Over-Explaining
Salary negotiations are a particular area where over-explaining can severely impact women’s careers. Here’s how to approach these conversations effectively:
Preparation Is Key
Collect concrete data and examples that demonstrate your achievements and contributions over several months. Document your successes so you can present them clearly when needed.
Maintain Confidence
Believe in your abilities and the value you bring. Trust that your requests are reasonable based on your contributions.
Scenario Example: After Completing a Major Project
Schedule a meeting with your manager to discuss your performance:
“Thank you for making time to speak with me. I’d like to discuss my performance this past quarter, particularly regarding Project ABC that I led. This project exceeded targets by over 50% and significantly increased customer satisfaction. In light of these achievements, I’d like to discuss my compensation and future development opportunities.”
Scenario Example: After Taking on Additional Responsibilities
When you’ve assumed responsibilities beyond your job description:
“Over the past six months, I’ve taken on additional responsibilities, including leading the new team and managing key client relationships. These additional duties have helped our team work more efficiently, and satisfaction has increased dramatically, as shown in these reports. I believe this performance justifies an adjustment to my compensation, which I’d like to discuss with you.”
Embracing Your Power
Ladies, we must remember that we have the right to make statements and requests that don’t end with question marks. You don’t need to justify or explain everything you say or do. This shift in communication style can be transformative for working mothers seeking more purpose and meaning in their careers, especially during midlife transitions.
By consciously working to reduce over-explanation, you’ll project greater confidence and competence in your professional life. This simple change can open doors to new opportunities and help you create a career aligned with your deepest values and aspirations.
I hope you’ve found these insights valuable for your own journey. Please share your feedback on this episode, rate the show, subscribe to our channel, or follow us on social media. Until next week, stay strong and confident, dear mothers and career changers!
THIS EPISODE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN GERMAN
