This week’s episode of our career podcast for women Mama, what’s next dives into a topic that actually touches so many of us—especially women navigating midlife career changes, working mothers trying to juggle it all, and purpose-driven souls wanting more from their work:
The Overuse of “Sorry.”
Yes—this one small word holds big energy. And for many women, it’s become a reflex. (I am guilty of it too)
We say sorry… for being late.
We say sorry… for asking a question.
We say sorry… for existing in spaces where we actually belong.
But today, we’re unraveling that. We’re shining a light on how apologizing too much can quietly sabotage your career, erode your confidence, and hold you back from showing up in your full power.
Here is an example:
You’re in the supermarket. You hand over a €20 note to pay for gum and say, “Sorry, I don’t have change.”
You remind your partner (again) about changing the tires, and you preface it with, “Sorry to bring this up again…”
You knock on your boss’s door to ask a necessary question and whisper, “Sorry to interrupt…”
Why are we apologizing for existing? For asking? For being human?
Because women have been conditioned to.
In fact, studies show that 75% of apologies in both the workplace and private life come from women. And most of those apologies? They’re not even necessary.
This episode breaks it down into the three main types of apologies women overuse:
The “Please Like Me” Apology
Rooted in our desire to be liked, to keep the peace, to not ruffle feathers.
But let’s be real—people-pleasing is not the path to power.
The “Don’t Hurt Me” Apology
This one’s about avoiding conflict, especially when hierarchy is involved.
But avoiding discomfort often leads to missed opportunities and muted voices.
The “I’ve Failed” Apology
Born from perfectionism and the belief that we’re never enough—as mothers, partners, colleagues, or leaders.
But mistakes aren’t weakness. They’re wisdom waiting to land.
Here’s the truth: Chronic apologizing dims your light.
It makes you seem unsure, insecure—even when you’re absolutely capable.
In the workplace, that can mean missed promotions, overlooked ideas, and unspoken boundaries.
So what can we do instead?
This isn’t about never saying sorry.
It’s about becoming conscious of when we do it—and choosing powerful language that reflects who we truly are.
Start With Awareness
Track your “sorrys” for one day. Write them down. Just observe. You’ll be amazed.
(Mali shares that she did this—and was shocked at how often it came out, even now.)
Build Unshakable Self-Trust
Confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s something you practice.
Speak in front of the mirror. Rehearse with a friend. Swap vague apologies for bold, clear, direct statements.
You don’t have to be rude. Just rooted.
Change your Script
Instead of “Sorry I’m late,” say:
to: “Thank you so much for your patience.”
Instead of “Sorry to interrupt,” try:
to: “I appreciate you making time for this—it’s important.”
Instead of “Sorry this presentation isn’t perfect,” say:
to: “Here’s what I’ve learned—and here’s how I’ll improve next time.”
Why not ask your friends, colleagues, or coach to call out when you default to unnecessary apologies.
We don’t always hear ourselves clearly—but community can be your mirror.
Here is a good read called “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg
“Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office” by Lois P. Frankel (oldie but goodie)
They’re full of exercises to unlearn the habits that keep women small, including apologizing too much.
Claim Your Space – start to build your presence and confidence
Practice presence:
Eye contact.
Grounded posture.
Steady voice.
Owning the room you walk into.
One study from the University of Queensland found that people who refused to apologize actually felt more confident and in control afterward.
That’s not permission to be arrogant—it’s an invitation to stop giving your power away unnecessarily.
We’re not perfect—and actually – that’s not the goal.
We’re growing. We’re un-learning. Constantly.
And when we do it together, there’s magic in the room.
Let’s stop shrinking to fit roles we’ve outgrown.
Let’s stop apologizing for having a voice, for taking up space, for wanting more.
Because you, beautiful soul, were never meant to play small.
You were made to lead with courage, clarity, and a whole lot of heart.
And if you stumble? Don’t say sorry. Say thank you for the lesson. Then get up and catch your next wave 🙂
Until next week,
With love,
Melie
THE ORIGINAL EPISODE WAS PUBLISHED IN GERMAN
